I have people skills! Don't you understand that? What the hell is the matter with you people?
People have often told me that I have fairly good people skills, and that I get along well with others.
This is amazing in and of itself because I typically detest other members of the so-called Human race, and try to avoid them whenever possible. Especially in conversation.
And yet, as unfolded today, sometimes you just have to take the mistakes you've already made and run with them.
Case in point: I took the shuttle from my office building to the transit center where I needed to catch my bus back to Seattle. The shuttle driver seemed to be a nice enough man. He asked me how my day has been going. I sighed and answered an exhausted "Fine... "
(And, because I love doing it this way, here's the rest of the conversation as though it were done via IM)
CrazyFukkr9494: Yeah, well tomorrow's payday for me, so I'm super pumped <gives thumbs up>
Got2BGone: Good deal, man. Any plans for the money?
CrazyFukkr9494: Hell yeah, man. I'm gonna save it up so I can take my vacation next week.
Got2BGone: Oh, where you going?
CrazyFukkr9494: Iowa, to see my brother and family.
It was as this point where I did something fundamentally stupid. Let's see if you can catch it.
Got2BGone: Iowa, huh? I'm from Wisconsin myself, so...
Did you see it? That right there was bonding. Never bond with crazy people.
CrazyFukkr9494: Yeah, that's cool man. Oh, shit man. The last time I was in fucking Iowa, I was there for my brother's wedding. You know, he's in the fucking army and all that, so it was sort of one of them army weddings, but the bride's family made it all uppedy n' shit (I don't know what that means), you know? That bitch, man. She's a fucking bitch.
Got2BGone: /nick Got2BGoneNOW
* Got2BGone is now known as Got2BGoneNOW *
Got2BGoneNOW: Uh.....
CrazyFukkr9494: That fucking whore, you know what she fucking did? My brother gets back from work, you know, the war, and when he gets back to his house, the fucking bitch has sold everything he had. Not a damned trace of nothing. I tell you man...
It is now worth noting that I was desperately trying to find something else to pay attention to during this ride. In the middle of this particular sentence, I realized that the radio was on, and was hoping against all hope that it would be something I could listen to and ignore the terrible waves and badness and anger that were rampant in the shuttle. Listening closer to the messages broadcast over the air, I found little I could identify with. It was talk radio of some sort, and the announcers on the other end were discussing their favorite guns. One man said that he far preferred the Iggimangiana 3.34493 to the AnalCavity 1.33x (yeah - I made those up.) because it had this cool little knob you could use to get a loaded bullet out of the chamber.
Got2BGoneNOW: /nick HFSGetMeOuttaHere
*Got2BGoneNow is now known as HFSGetMeOuttaHere *
CrazyFukkr9494: ... the first time I saw that goddamned bitch, she was all snooty and bitchy. I could tell that she was a fucking skank. Had nice hooters though, you know what I mean there, buddy?
HFSGetMeOuttaHere: (Internal monologue: holy fuck. I have to laugh at this or I'm sure he'll kill me. It's not funny. He said 'hooters', which is lame and makes me want to weep openly. Aw fuck.) Heheheh, yeah, I gotcha man. You know... you could really just let me off right he.....
CrazyFukkr9494: That fucking bitch. I tell you man, if a bitch ever does that to me (reality check here dude - that's never going to happen), she better fucking run to a place I can't find her, man. You know what I mean, bro.
HFSGetMeOuttaHere: Uh... yeah... totally... oh look, there's my bus. I need to get out. Here. Now. In something like that order. I ... gotta... just go. I gotta go. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks... yeah, thanks. Have a great night. :: runs ::
This... I don't even know. I mean - I kinda think the guy should get talked to about this, but I didn't say anything about it, so... Just seriously though... wow.