- One of your scars, how did you get it?
That's a terribly constructed sentence. It has scarred me mentally.
Oh, look. I told a story.
- What is on the walls in your room?
Paint. No, seriously.
- Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
All of the above. People have heard me snoring from across the house.
- What type of music do you listen to?
It depends on my mood. If I'm working I listen to a lot of classical music, but I sometimes switch to techno or trance.
- Do you know what time you were born?
25 o'clock.
- What do you want more than anything right now?
I would like the ability to remember how much I hate doing these things. I always get to right around question 6 and say to myself "Oh, goddammit. I'm doing it again."
- What do you miss?
Xenu.
- What is your most prized possession?
A small stuffed dog who is currently dressed as either a vampire or a drag queen.
- How tall are you?
6'1"
- Do you get claustrophobic?
No - people always have to explain it to me.
- Do you get scared in the dark?
No - people always have to explain it to me.
The last person to make you cry?
Uh... John Wilkes Boothe? I don't know, I don't really keep track.
- What kind of hair/eye color do you like on the opposite sex?
I'm a big fan of blondes and redheads, though I think pink hair is hot. And blue or green eyes. Or both. I don't care.
- Where can you see yourself being proposed to at?
A funeral.
- Coffee or energy drink?
Energy drinks. I think coffee tastes like someone wiped their ass on a used sock and then ran some warm water through it.
- Favorite pizza topping?
Souls of the damned. With extra cheese.
- If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
I can't. I'm too busy unpacking boxes.
- Have you ever eaten a goldfish?
Now is about the time when I start getting angry at the meme for being a meme.
No. I've never eaten a fucking goldfish. Well, maybe I have. I've eaten a lot of stuff that I couldn't immediately identify. I suppose one of them could have been a goldfish.
- What was the first meaningful gift you ever received?
I'm sure it was something from my mom.
- Do you like anybody?
Nope. Nobody. I hate everybody.
Except Ron Popeil.
- Are you double jointed?
Only where it counts, babydoll.
- Favorite clothing brand?
opaque.
- Do you have a pet right now?
I have an imaginary weasel named JimmyJoe McBettyWillGrandmaFrankston.
None of this is funny. I want to stop answering these questions.
- What kind is it?
A kiwi.
Yeah... a kiwi-weasel.
- Would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving?
I already did.
- What is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you:
Somehow that involves MySpace, I'm sure.
- Say a number from one to a hundred:
No.
- Blondes or brunettes?
Yes please.
- What is the one number you call most often?
718 387 6962 NARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
- Have you been out of the USA?
Thankfully, yes. And given the chance I would leave and never come back. We've destroyed this country, and there is no way we can ever get it back. The most we can hope to do is better manage the damage.
- Your weaknesses?
You mean structurally, or what?
Met anyone famous?
I was almost arrested by Chris Farley's brother once. Does that count?
- Ever done a prank call?
No. I'm a saint among men.
Update: I've had it pointed out to me by many people that this is totally inaccurate, but I think that depends on perception. See, I've been present for a lot of prank calls, but I've not ... no, wait. Yeah, I have.
I totally stole this from Colin, but once I called a movie theater and did the following:
Me: Hi, I was wondering how much you charged for adults.
Dude: $8.00
Me: I see. And how much for children?
Dude: $5.00
Me: Excellent. Do you deliver? :: click ::
- Have you ever had surgery?
Not from a doctor.
- What were you doing before you filled this out?
The same thing that I'm doing *while* I'm filling this out: working.
- What do you get complimented about most?
My typing skills.
- How many kids do you want?
2. BettyWill and WarshPeeants.
- Were you named after anyone?
I honestly don't know. Michael is a very common name, and was the most common name for boys during the 1970s and 1980s. Whether I'm named after anyone in particular or whether my mom was just following the crowd, I couldn't tell you.
Update from Mom.com:
Your birth mother's brother. He was in construction and built silo's with another brother and died when scaffolding he was on broke. Very sad as brother #2 watched him fall and tried to resuscitate him before ambulance came.
Michael is name she gave you in hospital and name we kept for you out of respect for her & family.
- Do you wish on stars?
Do you sit on used herion needles?
- What kind of shampoo do you use?
Head & Shoulders, though I only use it on the former.
- Do you like your handwriting?
Sometimes. Ever since I started writing in all uppercase in the 10th grade I like it better.
I've had a lot of people tell me that they really like the way I write, but I've also have people stop a meeting in which I was writing on the whiteboard because they wanted someone with legible writing to take my place.
So, the answer to your question is 'meh.'
- What is your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey.
- Any bad habits?
No. I am an angel among men.
- If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
If I were to meet me, it would be a fairly precarious situation. On the off chance that one of us wouldn't be a complete and utter dick to the other, we would likely become fast friends.
More likely, we'd be mortal enemies.
- Do looks matter?
Yeah. Why?
- What was your favorite toy as a child?
The decaying corpse of a homeless man I found in a field.
- Do you use sarcasm?
“No.”
- Mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese?
Mashed potatoes. Ah luvs me sum potatoes.
- What are your nicknames?
Formerly "Meegee" or "Meegs" - now most people call me Mikey or Lunchbox.
- Whats your favorite tv show?
House, Nip/Tuck, and The Riches. In that order.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Vagina. I believe we've covered this already.
- Do you have all your fingers and toes?
Yes - and a few that belonged to other people.
- Do you have a computer in your room?
I have a computer in pretty much *every* room.
- Plans for tonight?
Death, death, death, death, light dinner, death, death, death...
- Whats the fastest you have gone in a car?
Why would I need to go faster than 88MPH?
- Do you want everyone to answer these questions?
Yes. I would like everyone in the world to take a moment of their time and answer all of these questions. The world would be such a better place if we would all take the time to... oh, fuck it. No. Fuck off.
- What are you listening to?
The broken fan on one of the computers in my office.
It's experimental hardware, and it used to just be sort of noisy.
Then I kicked it to make it stop.
That's when the fan broke. Or possibly it was during one of the following kicks. I don't know.
- Last thing you drank?
Talking Rain Lime water.
- Last person you talked to on the phone?
Apparently, my Insurance Agent - Jason McDudeman.
- Favorite thing to hate?
You.
- Favorite month of the year?
You.
What is your hair color?
Brown.... and grey.
- What is your eye color?
Red, like the flames of Hades!!!!
- Favorite fast food place?
Why can't this thing just be fucking over with? I don't want to answer any more questions, but I'm too stubborn to just stop doing this.
- Favorite restaurant?
Your mom.
- Do you like sushi?
See previous answer.
Last thing you watched?
See previous answer.
- Favorite day of the year?
wgr40powgr4ohi8agr;lksdvh0yw4rgtoivsdlkgswr0p9wr4gowgr0powgroigwreonijf2v
- Play any musical instruments?
They keyboard, apparently.
- Republican or democrat?
I'm registered as "pissed with everyone and everything".
That doesn't really disambiguate, does it?
- Kisses or hugs?
I strongly prefer X's.
- Relationships or one night stands?
Are you offering?
- What was the last thing you bought?
See the answer to 67.
- What book are you reading?
I'm not.
- Describe your love life.
Complicated.