As your attorney, I advise you to buy a motorcycle. And tell the truth, you fucking swine!
This is something that has to be said. There's no specific event that has sparked this rant, it's just something that's been boiling in my head for a while. And like all head boils, sometimes they explode in a rush of UTF-16 encoded text.
I do pretty much all of my dating from online resources - match.com, okcupid, etc... out of all the women I've met (which is in the double-digits at this point), only about three of them have represented themselves accurately in their profile.
The most common misrepresentation - not surprisingly - is about their weight. Now, before I get down to the heart of the matter, here, I'd like to explain why I think I'm qualified to profer this opinion. Now, look: it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to spot a fat person. But just like how jokes about black people are "racist" unless a black person is telling them, it's not good form to talk about fat people unless you're a member of their country club.
I, myself, am a recovering fat person. I've spent a great deal of my life living in the fat person community, experiencing their bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing. And for that, I am thankful, for without that experience, I would not be able to write this blog post without feeling like I'm using the "N-word".
So, right. Fat chicks and lies. They go together like mayonnaise and live farm animals - they'd probably taste good after you wrestle the fucker onto the floor. No, wait... that's not right. Um, anyway. I don't have a problem with fat people. Fat people serve a purpose in the grand scheme of things. What I have a problem with is when these girls post pictures of themselves to their profiles that are so woefully inaccurate as to being just as good as posting a picture of the Dali Lama. Some of these girls are obviously posting photoshopped pictures, or pictures taken during their freshman year of high school.
Of course, they're posting these on a personal's site, where the ultimate goal is to meet someone in person.
For those of you who can't follow the logic: when you meet someone in person, they're going to realize that you've been fucking lying to them the entire time!! If'n you're a bigger person, why would you lie about it to a person you hope to meet and have a relationship with? Why not just be honest? What else are you hiding?
Now, I'm not picking on fat people. All I'm saying is that you should be honest about it. If you're trying to find someone to have a relationship with, you need to start with honesty. How else do you think you're going to find something meaningful?
So, to make a long post short: QUIT LYING ABOUT SHIT. I'm sick of it. The next time this happens, I make this solemn vow - I'm just going to leave. I don't care how nice you are, how funny you are, how smart you are. If you've misrepresented (read: lied) about your appearance, how can I possibly trust you with anything else? I'm simply done with you at that point. And that's pretty much what you deserve. Welcome to reality, hon.