Peter Jackson Can Eat My Ass
So, I hope everyone had a good holiday.
And while we're on the topic of holidays, Kong was a steaming piece of shit. I know those things have nothing to do with one another, but I couldn't think of a better way to get right to the point.
The day before I came back to Wisconsin for the holidays, I went to see Kong with some of my coworkers. Overall, they seemed to like it. I could hardly stand it. So, here's the deal, folks. The movie was three fucking hours long. Three hours - one more than two, and one less than four. I didn't know that going into the movie, but around the 1:45 mark - when Kong finally showed up - I realized that this was slightly longer than the average film. And the lifespan of the average fruit fly.
So, ok. I'm not going to gush over the special effects, or really even talk about anything that happened in the movie. The important part is that the damned thing was three hours long. Peter Jackson, if you're reading this, go fuck yourself. Learn how to summarize, you dick. Not every story that's worth telling (which, by the way, you haven't found yet) is worth stretching out for several days. Perhaps instead of releasing the inevitable Director's Cut that has 34 hours of additional, previously unseen footage of the ape scratching his ass, you could - oh, I don't know - go back and cut some of the worthless shit out.
You know - like the first half.
And also, the last half.
I will never watch another one of your movies. Ever. Even if you directed an episode of a TV show that I was sure was only 30-60 minutes long, I'd refuse to watch it.
You suck. k thx.